Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994 / Rory's Health issues?

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Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994 / Rory's Health issues?

Postby Shadowkicker » 08 Jul 2012, 01:20

Hi all, just looking for anyone who was at the Marina Hotel, Rhyl in '94 for Rory's last gig on british soil ?
Thanks
Jamie
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Re: Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994

Postby Jay Jay » 08 Jul 2012, 16:42

Shadowkicker wrote:Hi all, just looking for anyone who was at the Marina Hotel, Rhyl in '94 for Rory's last gig on british soil ?
Thanks
Jamie

Unfortunately I did not Jamie, I think Nick Slelson went from Sinnerboy, and said it was not a great Rory performance like it Used To Be.. Obviously because of Rory's declining health problems :(

Talking of Sinnerboy they're playing near there 29/09/2012: The Park Hotel 128 Abergele Road Colwyn Bay North Wales LL29 7PS.
Only about 40 miles or so from you isn't it? Can't you make it?
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Re: Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994

Postby nickskelson » 09 Jul 2012, 20:11

Yes boys, I was there, wish I hadn't been there though.
Firstly I was in a bad state of mind, coz how could Rory have replaced the great Gerry McAvoy with an unknown, and 4 great drummers with a long blonde haired girlie kid? I didn't really give them a chance.
Anyway Rory eventually came out at nearly midnight looking bloody awful. In the last 12 months I was talking to a guy who was a bouncer there that night. He told me Rory was absolutely pissed and refused to go on stage. They had to pour black coffee down him and talk him into going on.
I had seen Rory at least 10 times before this gig, and each time Jen and me had some of the best times of our lives. This however was totally different.
The band was absolute crap - that is my opinion, even though I have friends there that night who thought Rory was bloody fantastic. None of these friends had ever seen Rory in his prime however - I had.
Rory wasn't much better than the band. He just stood there going through the motions, bumbled about, and it was so bloody sad to see the man I loved in such a state.
How the hell Rory was allowed to get into this state I will never know. I am not going to publicly vilify people here (coz I don't want to get banned from the site, or sued by u no who), but I have very strong opinions about this state of affairs. At the end of the day, Rory was a grown man - he was his own man.
The people who have told me they thought Rory was great that night include some respected musicians. However I know the genius that the man was. Apart from the band being so bloody untalented, Rory himself was not really there. It was just some overblown bumbling guy who I didn't recognise.
Jen was in tears on the way home, and I wasn't far behind her. In 1988 Jen told me that Rory was unwell and on steroids - womens intuition, how do they know? In 1988 rory was still in barnstorming form and we saw him 4 times on that tour. 4 great nights of all out incendiary mayhem.
I wish we never went near Rhyl that night. I would much prefer my last memory of the great man to be at The Powerhouse Club in Birmingham 1988 - where he was still the greatest performer of hard-rocking blues ever.
Instead the last time I saw him was in this state. A sorry old man who was a shell of the great performer he had been.
This is a true and honest account of the last time I saw my primary musical influence. Those of you who see Rory as a "God like person" just don't know the truth. I was forced to see it with my own eyes and ears.
This sad and sorry performance does not alter the memory of the many times I saw the greatest blues-rock performer of all time. I just wish I had never gone there that night. I had no wish to see the man, who along with Jimmy Greaves and Cassius Clay, was one of my greatest-respected men. Strange to see how they all ended up in their 40's aint it?
The man I saw that night was not Rory Gallagher, his spirit had gone, his fire had died. R.I.P. Rory Gallagher
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Re: Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994

Postby photofinish » 09 Jul 2012, 21:45

nickskelson wrote:Yes boys, I was there, wish I hadn't been there though.
Firstly I was in a bad state of mind, coz how could Rory have replaced the great Gerry McAvoy with an unknown, and 4 great drummers with a long blonde haired girlie kid? I didn't really give them a chance.
Anyway Rory eventually came out at nearly midnight looking bloody awful. In the last 12 months I was talking to a guy who was a bouncer there that night. He told me Rory was absolutely pissed and refused to go on stage. They had to pour black coffee down him and talk him into going on.
I had seen Rory at least 10 times before this gig, and each time Jen and me had some of the best times of our lives. This however was totally different.
The band was absolute crap - that is my opinion, even though I have friends there that night who thought Rory was bloody fantastic. None of these friends had ever seen Rory in his prime however - I had.
Rory wasn't much better than the band. He just stood there going through the motions, bumbled about, and it was so bloody sad to see the man I loved in such a state.
How the hell Rory was allowed to get into this state I will never know. I am not going to publicly vilify people here (coz I don't want to get banned from the site, or sued by u no who), but I have very strong opinions about this state of affairs. At the end of the day, Rory was a grown man - he was his own man.
The people who have told me they thought Rory was great that night include some respected musicians. However I know the genius that the man was. Apart from the band being so bloody untalented, Rory himself was not really there. It was just some overblown bumbling guy who I didn't recognise.
Jen was in tears on the way home, and I wasn't far behind her. In 1988 Jen told me that Rory was unwell and on steroids - womens intuition, how do they know? In 1988 rory was still in barnstorming form and we saw him 4 times on that tour. 4 great nights of all out incendiary mayhem.
I wish we never went near Rhyl that night. I would much prefer my last memory of the great man to be at The Powerhouse Club in Birmingham 1988 - where he was still the greatest performer of hard-rocking blues ever.
Instead the last time I saw him was in this state. A sorry old man who was a shell of the great performer he had been.
This is a true and honest account of the last time I saw my primary musical influence. Those of you who see Rory as a "God like person" just don't know the truth. I was forced to see it with my own eyes and ears.
This sad and sorry performance does not alter the memory of the many times I saw the greatest blues-rock performer of all time. I just wish I had never gone there that night. I had no wish to see the man, who along with Jimmy Greaves and Cassius Clay, was one of my greatest-respected men. Strange to see how they all ended up in their 40's aint it?
The man I saw that night was not Rory Gallagher, his spirit had gone, his fire had died. R.I.P. Rory Gallagher

Felt a bit like that myself Nick when i last saw Rory in Leeds in 1992...the night after the infamous T&C gig in London....had the same feelings as you......i still think the last time i saw Rory was at Nottingham Rock City in 1990.........although to be fair have got a recording of the Leeds gig,and it sounds better now than it did on the night.........like you i saw Rory Gallagher when he was in his prime and on fire....yeah it might upset a few people on here.....but thats how it was....my last memory of seeing Rory wasn;t agood one.......but RORY......... I still love ya.........that will never change.....
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Re: Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994

Postby nickskelson » 09 Jul 2012, 23:58

Know just how you feel Mark. Only us old gits that saw Rory when he was on fire can possibly understand I suppose?
Just one point Jamie - although the Rory timeline says this was in 1994 - I was talking to Alison, a huge Rory and Sinnerboy fan - and she insisted it was 1992 0r 93 - her resume being that it was before she was going out with her current boyfriend and that happened in 1993. My own recollection was in was 92-93 time as well. I just can't remember.
I think Rorys demise started in the very early eighties. Something changed him at that time - perhaps a woman, perhaps the realisation that he was now too old to achieve his dreams?
Seems like the girls on the site are more in tune with that side of his persona.....what do you think girls? Flamenca, Sinnergirl, Suby, Deuce and you other nice ladies?
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Re: Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994

Postby SUBY1974 » 10 Jul 2012, 12:49

Hi Nick. I hope Sinnerboy gigs goes well in Ireland in early August. I am at work at the moment but will give my views later in the evening. Having had depression myself and hit rock bottom and coming back from the brink I feel I have a few positive things to say. I also work in a jobcentre, so I work with vunerable people and I am training to be motivational and Life Coach.I will also give a woman's point of view as well. Subrata.x
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Re: Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994

Postby Jay Jay » 10 Jul 2012, 13:57

Hi Guys / Girls ..
Nick & Marks posts seem to go along with my 17 page earlier topic here :(
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1575&p=12461#p12461
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1575&start=160

Rock On for Rory
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Re: Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994

Postby folkdeejay » 10 Jul 2012, 16:46

nickskelson wrote:Yes boys, I was there, wish I hadn't been there though.
Firstly I was in a bad state of mind, coz how could Rory have replaced the great Gerry McAvoy with an unknown, and 4 great drummers with a long blonde haired girlie kid? I didn't really give them a chance.

How the hell Rory was allowed to get into this state I will never know.


I know what you mean. Having follwed Rory for over 15 years ( loads of gigs, all his recordings etc ) I took my then new wife to see Rory play with Frankie miller and a few others at a Fender Tribute gig in September 1993.

It was a while since I'd seen Rory live - maybe 2 years - and as it was pre-internet days, I wasn't aware of the recent line-up change, or the ill-fated T&C gigs. Whilst it was still a very good gig by most standards, it was just not at the same level of the previous gigs. At the time, i blamed the band. We talked to a few people nearby, and everyone was wondering who the new guys were, and why the gig was a bit subdued - although to be clear, it was a long way from being poor.

Regarding the decline over maybe 5 or more years of obvious illness, I know what your saying. Rory was a grown up, and by all accounts a determined, headstrong man - but this wasn't an unforseen Bonham/Hendrix style binge, it was a slow decline. The various articles in guitar mags from around 1990 showed Rory looking facially 'puffy' and I know at least two medics who tell me he was obviously and blatantly in need of help. So very sad that help/intervention was initially too little, then tragically too late.
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Re: Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994

Postby RobertaSparrow » 10 Jul 2012, 21:33

IN RE:

and At the risk of being banned from the site:

[quote="nickskelson"]Yes boys, I was there, wish I hadn't been there though.
Firstly I was in a bad state of mind, coz how could Rory have replaced the great Gerry McAvoy with an unknown, ...I had seen Rory at least 10 times before this gig, and each time Jen and me had some of the best times of our lives. ... None of these friends had ever seen Rory in his prime however - I had. Rory wasn't much better than the band. He just stood there going through the motions, bumbled about, and it was so bloody sad to see the man I loved in such a state.... I am not going to publicly vilify people here (coz I don't want to get banned from the site, or sued by u no who), but I have very strong opinions about this state of affairs. At the end of the day, Rory was a grown man - he was his own man.... Rory himself was not really there. It was just some overblown bumbling guy who I didn't recognise. ... I wish we never went near Rhyl that night. I would much prefer my last memory of the great man to be at The Powerhouse Club in Birmingham 1988 - where he was still the greatest performer of hard-rocking blues ever. ...Instead the last time I saw him was in this state. A sorry old man who was a shell of the great performer he had been. ... This is a true and honest account of the last time I saw my primary musical influence. Those of you who see Rory as a "God like person" just don't know the truth. I was forced to see it with my own eyes and ears.[color=#BF00BF]
[/color]


Some of those statements make my blood boil, and maybe I shouldn't post this, but hey, I was never one to worry too much about offending someone else if I have something to say. I read the entire post earlier, and I want to amend my earlier post because I just can't let it go, and I still have more to say. " how could Rory have replaced the great Gerry McAvoy with an unknown" The "great" Gerry McAvoy, by his own admission, left Rory.

Perhaps Rory was off his game that night BECAUSE HE WAS ILL. Dying, in fact. And, as far as the quality of the backing musicians, based purely on a certain book I read, whose author purported to have intimate knowledge of Rory's health issues, and was admittedly in a position to intervene to help on several occasions but had instead turned his back on the one he called his friend. Rory could have used a little help and support. In fact, purely based on the words in the book, the author in effect tossed an anchor to a drowning man, then went on his merry way.

Few who survived through the last few decades- especially the 60's and 70.s- have been lucky enough to have escaped without seeing at least one friend or relative succumb to excess of drugs (legal or otherwise) and/or alcohol. We all deal with it in the usual ways. We look the other way and hope the person will get better on their own, or pretend it's not really a problem and decide to "party on" and either invite or encourage the person to indulge and not think about it, or try to show someone that maybe there is another way to coexist in a world where drugs and alcohol are seen as a way to cope. I've done my share of alcohol and drugs, (particularly marijuana as my drug of choice back then), and was always able to walk away when enough was enough. But not everyone can, and when a friend is in trouble and you think it is alcohol and/or pills or whatever you don't make it worse. The last thing you do is say, "forget it, let's go to the pub."

Would it really have been that difficult to refrain from drinking or whatever in front of someone who is so obviously struggling? Maybe lead by example? Maybe try to change a few patterns or routines to help someone cope with their fears and stresses?

Would it not have been better to grow some cojones and try to tell the man what was in his mind while Rory was alive, when it might have made a difference instead of saying them in a book after he's gone? When Rory can no longer defend himself or offer a reply? I don't personally know anyone on this site. But I do know from firsthand knowledge that not everything in that book was accurate. However, even a broken clock is true at least twice a day, and I trust that the author's own opinions are at least true to what he believed at the time. And if there is a kernel of truth in any of it, it was that Rory needed help, that certain people who could have helped were instead what in modern day terms would be called enablers, and that the author of the book may feel guilty for what he did and did not do. I sure as hell would.

And I surely don't mean to imply that Donal wasn't trying his best to help his brother. I'm saying that he did the best he could, but he couldn't do it alone. And I think that the author of that book was one of maybe a handful of people close enough to the situation who could have helped Donal reach Rory. He could have at least tried.

I am sorry if this offends anyone, but a blind person who has seen Rory's later performances could see he was ill. Yeah, he was probably drunk, and I don't know how much of it was really his fault- his body was failing him at that point, so who can say how much was alcohol and how much was damage already done. But think about it- especially those who saw him in the early days, something more was going on there.

There is an interview with Rory from 1976, and the interviewer asks him a really off-the-wall question (see clip at 6:18). It catches him off guard, and his eyes betray his feelings.

http://youtu.be/171igFdk3pE

And in a later interview, beginning at 1:55 in this clip, you can clearly see the pain there.

http://youtu.be/HfAc8QbafAk

Whatever was troubling him was there for a while, and over time I think it got to a point where he sought help from his doctors. I believe their advice is what set him on the path that killed him. Maybe someone could have intervened but what's done is done. And God has His reasons.

"He just stood there going through the motions, bumbled about, and it was so bloody sad to see the man I loved in such a state ... Rory himself was not really there. It was just some overblown bumbling guy who I didn't recognise. ... I wish we never went near Rhyl that night. I would much prefer my last memory of the great man to be at The Powerhouse Club in Birmingham 1988 - where he was still the greatest performer of hard-rocking blues ever. ...Instead the last time I saw him was in this state. A sorry old man who was a shell of the great performer he had been. ... This is a true and honest account of the last time I saw my primary musical influence. Those of you who see Rory as a "God like person" just don't know the truth. I was forced to see it with my own eyes and ears."

I'm sorry, but that is just a crock of horse shit. Take a look at the clip from 1994- He was ill, he needed help. But he was very much alive. He wasn't the 22-year-old on the stage at the Isle of Wight anymore- he was a mature man who maybe couldn't carry on like he could when he was a kid, but can any of us? He wasn't old. He was 2 years younger than actor Johnny Depp is now (and I think if they make a movie about Rory, Johnny Depp would be a good choice to play him, but that's just my opinion). And he certainly hadn't lost his gift for music- again, just watch the clip.

I think Rory was troubled by many things- Consider this- He was a child prodigy really. He began playing guitar as a child and by the time he was a teenager he was in a working band. He was a rock star at an age when most kids are trying to decide what they're going to do after high school. He was an international star touring Europe at an age where kids here aren't even old enough to legally drink. He was barely an adult and he had the world at his feet- a talent for the guitar- for music- that no one could touch, and he was absolutely gorgeous besides. He had a stage presence that was indescribable. Anyone who ever saw him in his prime will know what I mean. If you were privileged enough to be in the presence of his screaming guitar, and feel the electricity in the air at one of his performances- it was almost like he had a psychic connection with his audience- better than any drug I ever had. He was joyful in his playing and he radiated it out to everyone around him.

People who saw him in his prime should have been able to understand and appreciate him even in his last days. He wasn't a "God like person," he was a mere mortal who was trying to carry on with the thing he loved most- his music, his art. I would much rather have seen him play on his worst day than to see a dozen or more tribute bands on their best day.

No wonder he was troubled. He had the record companies to contend with, and he was also in competition with the young man he once was- and with fair-weather fans like the ones on this thread, I can see why he was ill-at-ease. Some fans apparently came to his shows expecting him to crank it out like he did in '72, to walk on water metaphorically speaking.

I really don't mean to offend, but what the hell? Is there no sense of compassion or understanding for the man as he was? Could you really not see the younger man still within the mature one? Yeah, I saw him when he was young and hot. Where I live I didn't see him in his last years, not till the internet became so accessible. And I can certainly understand the tears for the suffering that Rory endured toward the end. But I cannot understand the cold, indifferent, condescending depiction of another human being (the man I loved ... my primary musical influence) who so obviously needed help and a little understanding, as "A sorry old man who was a shell of the great performer he had been".

Is it only me that sees the irony here? "None of these friends had ever seen Rory in his prime however - I had" Newer fans, those not "enlightened" enough to have seen Rory in his prime, were able to see the artist who was still there. Newer fans. So does that mean the older fans, the ones who saw him in his prime, were too shallow, too self-absorbed to see beyond their own memories? No one stays perpetually young, and to expect that of a loved and respected artist is a disservice and an insult to the man he was. I don't agree. And I can't understand how someone can call him their primary influence yet slam him for not living up to their preconceived expectations like some kind of wind up doll.

So if some fans were put out because his performances were not up to par, maybe they need to step back and see the bigger picture.
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Re: Marina Hotel, Rhyl, 1994

Postby SUBY1974 » 10 Jul 2012, 21:35

I never met Rory in real life or seen him perform sadly. I can’t possibly say what was happening to Rory in 1980’s or the issues involved or how he felt, so this is just my take on things.

It obvious Rory’s decline started around 1983 when his Crysalis contract ended and the rock, blues and jazz market suffered a lot. Its seems in a short while the music industry decided for future young generation like myself and Susie of Seafieldfoxes would only listen in my opinion utter crap. Ok the 80s, 90s and Noughties produced some good music but I feel the 60’s and 70’s is when real music happened. What gave the music industry the right to deny the young generation wonderful rock, jazz, blues and folklore music and the wonderful sounds real musical instruments made? Obviously for money and market trends. There should be a genre for every kind music and the young ones should choose what they like.

I feel if that slump had not happened Rory may not have fallen into depression. He loved the Blues full stop. It’s like someone saying to me you are not going to write anymore or read anymore. What effect could that have on me? Devastating. It’s the way I express myself. That’s why I loathe the music industry for doing that. They denied me and Susie his music and a whole young generation of kids growing up. Only in 2007 and after I met Susie did she bring Rory to our lives. I still cannot understand after years of loving rock and guitar i never heard of Rory until then.

In a lot interviews in the 1980’s they keep telling him “No one hears the Blues anymore”. “You should change your style” etc etc. You can see the pain in his eyes. My heart goes out to him.

Later in other interviews he had self doubt whether anyone would want to hear his music ever again. Good for him to sticking with his unique gifted god given style but if only back then the young (that’s my generation in the early 90’s) had more access to his music and then its gives a person sense of purpose. Rory would have played to a whole new generation of young fans and I really believe he would still be here. It’s awful even to this day that his music along with the Blues, Jazz and folklore is not played that often on radio or TV and thank God now for internet the young ones can now have that access and the wonderful work that Donal and Daniel Gallagher and Gallagher family and Rory fans and everyone like Jay Jay, Jim etc are doing to spread the music. Like 19 year old Laurence Jones who had cited Rory has one of his influences and wants to bring the Blues back. Rory never played the corporate game and good for him on that as well, because at the end of the day it was the music that mattered. When I write it’s not for fame, money or market trends. Its for the writing and my passion for it and trying to create my own unique style. That’s what I learnt from Rory and being true to myself.

The publishing industry is just as crap where you have celebrities getting six book deal and someone else writes their book for them! I am only concerned with my path not X, Y and Z. You see Susie and I are children of the hippy generation. We are in awe of Rory and his generation. What they did, feel and change. Its just so incredible. So amazing what one can do if they set their mind to it. They are our forefathers.



So lets now first get his music to the young, to everyone and get him the recognition he so richly deserves as a musician. He will not be air brushed out of Rock and Roll industry as far as I am concerned.

Now we will move onto depression. I think depression can be triggered by an event or it can hit you from nowhere. I am not condemning conventional medicine. Some people may need to take that, yet it seems back then the doctors gave “A Pill For Every Ill”. Rather then find the cause of depression they just treated the symptoms. Its not right and the doctors and their patients should monitor medication properly which obviously doesn’t happen. I have seen and still see many people suffering from depression for a specific event. For me it was a relationship breakdown but it was the trigger I needed to come back up again. All my life I tried to be what other people wanted me to be especially from my cultural background. I had the wrong friends, wrong relationship and wrong everything for years. I seem to attract people either the same as me ( weak) so that we could be weak together in a cycle of self pity and self loathing or those who had I what I lacked or thought I lacked and more often then not I was treated like a doormat.

Those people where depression strike from nowhere probably need to go back to a place when they were not so depressed. Probably with all depression some sort of cognitive therapy is needed to treat the cause and start helping the person see another way to live and be. I feel its about seeing the supposedly negative in another way. Also there are no failures and one has to find another way of doing things to achieve what they want or better then what they want. It is about visualising and visionary and Rory was a visionary. Problems can be challenges and its helps one to grow. Also small goal setting is better then larger ones. Taking things steps but step and knowing the next step will be revealed by Universe and having faith.

When I went on my self discovery journey 8 yrs ago I was able to radically change everything. With Rory he seemed to have plunged in this gloom he just couldn’t get out of . If only he could have seen some light, because there is always light. I guess what I am trying to say is Rory needed to get his self –esteem back and somehow know that his fans loved him and WE wanted to hear his music and didn’t care what the music industry thought. If back then we had the internet or something to get the music to the young it might have made a HUGE difference.

The best thing I ever did was bin the celebrity mags, negative newspapers, negative music and listening to negativity news because that can have a huge effect.

The other thing is lifestyle. Rory worked very, very hard and it took its toll. The body needs rest and sleep to produce the hormone serotonin which is a feel good factor. We have to eat properly, take regular exercise and have walks in nature – henced why I love nature so much and animals. I do take herbal supplement for PMT but will never take convention medicine for that. Alternative medicine is ok as well in my opinion and I love a holistic lifestyle now. It may sound boring doing yoga, tai chi, meditation, being a vege, not drinking etc but it works for me.







The other things is yes pills, drink, drugs, gambling, eating disorder ( yeah I was borderline on that and was very thin in my teens), shopping addictions and other forms of addiction may numb the pain a person goes through but it is only a short term solution to a long term problem and can be devastating. I still feel a healthy lifestyle and a sense of purpose in ones’ life does go a long way to happiness. Building the self esteem and bringing back the confidence that was taken away. Bringing back your personal power and self worth and ditching negativity and negative people.

There is a saying by by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh “How much longer will you go on letting your energy sleep? How much longer are you going to stay oblivious of the immensity of yourself?” I believe there is no such thing as a talentless person. Everyone is talented at something and everyone has a purpose. We just need to find that and tap into it.

Like Rory, Susie and I have spiritual faith. I am not going to go on about it here as its not appropriate but it does give you a sense of purpose – any faith really. It ‘s like you have a sense of destiny which Rory felt from a young age.

I don’t think there is an age limit on most things or dreams, otherwise 80 years wouldn’t be able to get degrees!

The other thing with Rory I know is he probably felt let down by people and preferred to be alone a lot. The thing with depression you don’t want to face the world or people. I was housebound for 3 months and did not want to see anyone especially those who wounded me ever again but then you got to get out there. Most people are great and we need people. We need good positive company because happiness only has meaning when it’s shared. Unfortunately in the West people are very lonely and our social media sites have made us even more lonier. We have nuclear familes etc That’s why instead of doing an online bookclub, we just launched it in London , so people with the same book interests can meet and chat and mix. The chain needs to be broken. Being lonely is not good for anyone’s psyche. Humans are social people.

A lot of people say Rory should have fallen in love and married and had children. Yes it is good to be part of a loving family or any family really, but I have seen single people who are just as happy as well. I think its about being complete in yourself and being the true you to attract the right sort of person. I say to my bloke who shares my interests that it great to have you in my life but if you are not I am still ok as well. If Rory’s heart was broken again I feel for him, but you can get over it and you can move on. Also it is about being with the right type of person and for Rory someone who shared his interests and who completely understood his music came first. I think being in doormat relationship before I wasn’t’ allowed to grow but now I can. Real love is about respect and allowing the other person to grow and not subjugate them. It is about respecting their life purpose and letting them follow it. Fear can also stop one from committing to another relationship and no one wants to get hurt again and maybe Rory thought it would take him away from his beloved music. All I can say it takes a lot to trust again but again it can be done. No two person are the same and a wonderful person can bring wonderful gifts in your life.

I also feel it would have been nice if Rory could have enjoyed other things in life more. I know and understand his complete passion for his music and all his spare time was devoted to that but you need to enjoy other things too. For a while I thought I would just submerge myself in my writing but then I want to enjoy other things as well apart from writing. Maybe the biggest yet for me is wanting motherhood now. I still believe I can achieve things 100% with the writing and enjoy other things too like horseriding, swimming, laughter therapy, painting, guitar , cycling, African drumming etc etc.. You need other interests and life experience otherwise how can one write or make music if there is no experience or inspiration? I believe in positive experiences and inspiring experiences. There is so much beauty in the world and I want to experience every wonderful moment of it.

There seems to be moments when Rory did seem ok in the 90’s but it was always up and down. I understand there were people who cared for him and wanted to help him but how can you let a man who is so obviously ill on stage? I don’t get it.

Yes its terribly sad that invention came way too late for Rory. I understand he was his own man and one needs to help themselves. I just feel if only something was done to take away his self doubt in later years and bring back that self esteem and confidence, his purpose. To bring back that wonderful magical light and love into his life. I just keep coming back to that again, again, again. I find it painful to watch the the DVDs’ in the 90’s because you do just want to leap into the screen and take his pain away. Maybe if I had seen him in real life I would just want to hug him and take all his pain away.

I have never made it a secret how he changed mine and Susie’s life. I may never have been to his show or seen him live but when I heard “I Fall Apart” just out of curiosity one night it changed my life forever. It was a spiritual experience. He made us believe we are beautiful women with so much talent and so much to give. That we could get back our power and that our femininity is our strength. My mother is a very attractive woman and next to her I felt like an ugly duckling for years. The other day she said “You are so beautiful and so talented. Use the gifts you inherited from me and your family”. I could have wept and I will use the gifts I have inherited. Most life purposes is of being of service to others to help and heal but its ok to receive as well. To accept abundance.

The only thing we can do now is make sure the gift Rory gave us, his music will live on forever and that wherever he is he is now happy, healthy, well, near his family and can see that we will keep up the fight to get the music to future generations and get him the recognition he deserves as a musician. As I have a spiritual faith too I hope we will see him one day for real in another time and place in the not so distant future and he can do a very special show for all of his fans.



W love you Rory. Subrata. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
SUBY1974
 
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