Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

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Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

Postby Faylool » 30 Sep 2017, 22:56

This one place nobody seems to go as far as all the stuff I’ve read. I’ve read a lot! Of course it’s personal and all that. Generally the first born goes in to a man of the house role. But what if his parents divorced for some very weird reasons?
Did Rory see his dad much after the divorce? From what I’ve read Rory was 8. I’m super glad his mom was a good thing for him. I know nothing about his dad. It counts.
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Re: Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad

Postby Jay Jay » 01 Oct 2017, 10:41

Faylool wrote:But what if his parents divorced for some very weird reasons?


Where did you read / hear that Daniel (Rory's father) & Monica (Rory's mother) got divorced?
Monica as a devoted Roman Catholic would never be allowed to do this? They just split and went there own ways for good reasons. At the time of the split what I've heard is that it was all because of the terrible troubles in the north. Derry was a very volatile place to live in at the time. You've heard about Bloody Sunday, well that was in Derry (Londonderry). Monica did not feel safe with her two young sons Rory and Donal. Daniel stayed in his Gallagher family roots and his work. While Monica went back to her safe haven and family roots, away from all the troubles.

Daniel (Danny) was a working musician just like Rory :)

Rory's Dad Danny.jpg
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Re: Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

Postby Faylool » 01 Oct 2017, 20:07

Ok. Separated. Did Rory see him after that? Seldom? Christmas? Call him? Get called? Stuff....you know. I want to know what I can to understand his relationships being not so close. I do believe Gerry saying that Rory was a once bitten twice shy kind of guy is probably true. Yes. I know a bit about Ireland’s history
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Re: Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

Postby Faylool » 03 Oct 2017, 18:07

This site has a mountain of information and some good analysis of Rory’s psychology and Temperament, intellect and strengths and weaknesses. You all might have come to terms with how things played out for him and how some of it was his own fault. If a highly sensitive 8 year old looses his dad in their circumstances and there wasn’t much follow up ( or even if there was some follow up) that would be a sad kind of deal. It’s my fault, what did I do, I’m not really loved, And a lot of hurt which of course he kept in being him. I’m not going to be able to come to terms with his story. I’m outraged. It’s fresh for me. I’m too old to apply what I have learned much really...like it’s the end of the line and I hang out patiently doing the best I can. But teaching new comers to Rory’s story to be SELF ADVOCATSand to not be passive...there are some real young people looking on here. Let them post encourage them to talk about this.
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Re: Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

Postby Jay Jay » 03 Oct 2017, 21:03

Faylool wrote: If a highly sensitive 8 year old looses his dad in their circumstances and there wasn’t much follow up ( or even if there was some follow up) that would be a sad kind of deal. It’s my fault, what did I do, I’m not really loved, And a lot of hurt which of course he kept in being him.


Yes that's probably the truth of the matter from an early age Faylool.. and you'll find throughout Rory's life.. as the song he wrote goes..

It was many times sadly " Edged in Blue " :cry:
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Re: Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

Postby Faylool » 04 Oct 2017, 08:59

Yeah. That song says it well. I’m happy for Rory because he had a special talent and he could express it and he worked so hard. He was sober many months acouple of times in the 90s according to Gerry in that biography. He tried. I read once someone came in his dressing room and Rory had a chair over his head by the window. He lowered it and said sorry. You’ve probably never seen me this way. Another time someone phoned him. He said youjust saved my life. I was just going to jump out the window. And asking a sober guy, how do you do it? So many calls for help in his way and because he was a force to be reckoned with he intimidated....not purposely. And yes. There are many acco7nts where he was let down. It happens to us all to some degree. I’ve never been able to sustain a positive outlet, creative....art or my horse thing and how life got in the way and it turned out differently....just me being caretaker but not learning to ride anymore for too many reasons....but he didand then some! I wish he knew how great he really was you know? That he overcame the downers quite well until his worsening health and those wrong doctors came in. That was hard on him. Not breaking in to USA was hard on him. I read some of the bands were bad to his band so he decided smaller venues and clubs were better plus he was reallyquite hard on himself already...actually. There is a lot to be learned from his story. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade type deal. He DID! He just didn’t see it. Anyway. I know it is not so good to be too sensitive....it’s okay. Death isn’t the end really or if it is we won’t even know so. He’s fine
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Re: Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

Postby RobertaSparrow » 04 Oct 2017, 13:56

Judging purely from Rory’s interviews, both in print and audio/video, he never uttered a harsh or critical statement about his dad, He was a private man. As with all of us, many factors shaped and influenced him throughout years. His parents’ separation surely influenced and shaped him, but many other factors did as well

As I understand it, his father’s family had roots in the north of Ireland, his mother’s family was from Cork. Rory and family were Catholic, his earliest years spent in a time and place where the dominant culture was not welcoming to Catholics, and because of discrimination his father had difficulty finding work Those pressures certainly played a part in shaping him.

I believe those societal pressures are what moved him to try to bring people together through his music later, in the 70s, when his peaceful, gentle demeanor and his music were most needed.

We are all shaped by these trials and tribulations, All things considered, I think Rory took the bad with the good, and made the best of his life. He did pretty good for himself, his family, and his fans.

Evidence of that? Well, all of us, who remember him so many years later, all the respect and love still felt for him still.
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Re: Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

Postby Faylool » 04 Oct 2017, 17:30

Yes I agree. I think the steroids AND Tylenol were the last straw and personally I could not tolerate Valium type anti anxiety meds because they made me depressed. Withdrawing from steroid stuff is hugely depressing so he was probably yoyo-Ing there as well along with the circumstantial of being solo, weirdness of the 80s and his music and ambition and loosing Brendon and Gerry’s support, he was making a comeback anyway! Very interesting story. Part of my respect for him was that he wasn’t a doper type and didn’t screw around with groupies like so many “stars”. There is always a price to pay....you know? And I only just found him 9 or 10months ago....interviews and performances caused me to love and respect him. It’s nice to share about it. I sure feel better about my own story since finding my passion for a thing again. It means so much! Music delivered for the better reasons....pure reasons....Devine.
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Re: Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

Postby RobertaSparrow » 09 Oct 2017, 20:52

Faylool wrote:Yes I agree. I think the steroids AND Tylenol were the last straw and personally I could not tolerate Valium type anti anxiety meds because they made me depressed. Withdrawing from steroid stuff is hugely depressing so he was probably yoyo-Ing there as well along with the circumstantial of being solo, weirdness of the 80s and his music and ambition and loosing Brendon and Gerry’s support, he was making a comeback anyway! Very interesting story. Part of my respect for him was that he wasn’t a doper type and didn’t screw around with groupies like so many “stars”. There is always a price to pay....you know? And I only just found him 9 or 10months ago....interviews and performances caused me to love and respect him. It’s nice to share about it. I sure feel better about my own story since finding my passion for a thing again. It means so much! Music delivered for the better reasons....pure reasons....Devine.


Interesting perspective. I may veer off topic a bit but I'll come back to it. As you stated, " ... steroids and Tylenol [paracetamol in Europe] were the last straw ... " "[Rory] wasn't a doper type..." In years past I used to search for the links to the various interviews and statements made by Rory and those closest to him to supplement whatever I've written. That info is on the forum, so I'll not repeat it now. I never met Rory. I saw him play numerous times, those memories are burned into my soul, and I will never forget the experience. I know people who were fortunate enough to know him to varying degrees. Wish I had had the courage to walk up to him and speak, but I would have forgotten my own name most likely. :mrgreen: My comments are based on those interviews which I have read and seen, and from my own personal experience.

Rory was a child of his time and culture, as are we all. He grew up in a strict Catholic environment, with some of the pressures of the dominant non-Catholic cultures that surrounded him in the northern part of the country (and yes, I know, Donegal was not in Northern Ireland. But it is in the northern part of the island and opinions, prejudices, and cultural biases are not known for stopping at the border. Just ask the Hispanics who live in Southern California, north of the Mexican border about attitudes outside of lines on a map) and surely those religious pressures pushed and pulled his family and friends in different directions.

He also grew up in a culture where alcohol consumption is more than acceptable, as long as it is not to excess. His elders drank. His family owned a pub, and as I understand it, his father liked drink. That social encouragement is a slippery slope of which we in Western culture are all familiar with. Consistent with everything I have ever read about Rory, and interviews that I have heard where Donal discussed his brother, Rory was very much opposed to illegal drugs. As his talents became apparent, as he became more and more successful as a professional musician, he saw the excesses of illicit drug use of those around him. Well, he was a child of the 60s, how could one not be affected by it?

He was more than just mildly opposed to illegal drugs, he forbade his musicians, any of his employees from using them. And that included marijuana (cannabis, to this L.A. woman it will always be known as marijuana, but I digress). But in the sixties, most everyone used marijuana, including, I am certain, people around him. They just did him the courtesy of not letting him know about it.

As far as legal drugs, he had no qualms about OTC medications, like paracetamol (Tylenol), which in the 70's was advertised as being so harmless, it wouldn't even upset your stomach. There was absolutely no mention to the public about the toxic interactions with alcohol, or how even a therapeutic dose if carried on for too long a time could damage, even destroy the liver. Rory also was of the opinion that, as long as a licensed doctor prescribed a medication, it was okay to use it. After all, we trust our doctors to have our best interests at heart, don't we? And as I understand it, "natural" or "holistic" supplements were okay as well. As I heard it, toward the end, among his prescriptions he also had a store of herbal supplements as well. It isn't just Rory who had an attitude that these things were basically harmless- many people hold that belief. if a doctor prescribes it, it must be okay. If it is a supplement from a health food store, what could be healthier? If it's an Over-The-Counter, well, that must be just fine. And a corollary to that, in regard to supplements and OTCs, if one is good, two or more must be better.

Those "in the know" are aware that supplements and OTC drugs can and do have very powerful qualities, and that certain of these cannot be combined without consequence. Adding prescription meds to the gang is asking for problems, and pouring even the smallest amount of alcohol over that, God only knows what a person may unwittingly be creating and consuming- these seemingly harmless things are greater than the sum of their parts.

Add to that all the pressures Rory must have been under- He had family and numerous employees who depended on him and his ability to stay on the road and doing his job. Sure, he loved what he did for a living, and that is a big plus. To love one's work, what more could a person ask for in way of earning their daily bread. But any illness, emotional or physical, just adds to that sense of necessity. That pressure of having to do right by one's principals.

Counter-balance that with the pressures and social interactions required in his daily routine. Social drinking is more than acceptable, not just in the world of the working musician. Alcohol consumption in social settings is almost expected. As stated earlier, his family owned a pub, he was surrounded by a culture that accepted, and to some extent, encouraged social drinking. And, Rory enjoyed alcohol. Factor in years and years of pressure from the road, from the whims and follies of the music industry, and his own personal demons, well, what do you do when you have pain? If it gets bad enough, we will reach out to whatever we think will help.

Societal pressure is hard to ignore, even if you aren't particularly fond of drink. I myself am not much of a drinker. I don't much care for the taste of alcohol, to me it tastes rather like medication that has gone bad. And, I never enjoyed the "buzz" from alcohol- it always has a heavy, slow kind of feel to it- it dulls the thinking, feels as though it slows the synapses. That doesn't mean I have never consumed to excess, I certainly have. I grew up in the sixties, too. Surrounded by friends, family, coworkers who almost always provided alcohol for occasions. And any gathering of two or more people always seemed to be an occasion. I even tried to develop a taste for beer and wine. Especially beer. In my younger days, I remember tasting beer and being very repulsed by it. "Oh, you just have to acquire a taste for it," I heard that all the time. But I tried for years, never really got past that gag reflex. There were a few that I could drink easier than others- John Courage was one, Newcastle Brown another, but even those had to be soooo cold that the tastes were diminished, and I had to drink them fast or they would just sit and get warmer. I remember my boyfriend at the time finally complaining- he was an avid beer connoisseur, but even he hit his limit with me- I'd drink maybe 1/3 of a bottle, and hand it to him to finish. "I'm sick of drinking the rest of your warm beer!" he would finally growl. I'm older now, not given to being pressured to drink "just because." But hey, I never liked the taste of alcohol to begin with, and I hate the buzz. If it tastes bad, and the feeling is icky, then it's easy for me to say, "No thanks." But you'd be surprised at the pressure of the people around me. For example, this spring I walked the Camino de Santiago in Spain, and at virtually every meal, wine or beer was offered usually for free. I would always decline. A few hosts, without asking, would pour wine at the table for me. Often, to be polite, I would drink a bit, usually leaving half or more in my glass so as to discourage anyone from offering me more. But that gag reflex- And, lest you should think I am just some goody-two-shoes who looks down on others for indulging, just hand me a diet soda and a marijuana cigarette and I will be a happy camper. The buzz from cannabis vs. the buzz from alcohol, for me? I would describe it as the difference between cruising down Pacific Coast Highway at full speed on a summer day with the windows down and the ocean breeze swirling around me vs. being stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on an L.A. freeway during the dog days of summer, with the windows up, no A.C. and thick smoggy air choking me.

But how hard is it for someone who enjoys his beer or wine, likes the taste, or likes the feeling, or both? Rory enjoyed his alcohol. And I'm sure it flowed pretty freely. To say it is socially acceptable is an understatement, and not because he was Irish or in Ireland. Most of my experience with the pressures of social drinking come from my life here in these United States, but my time in Spain and Ireland were no different as far as attitudes. The whole of Western culture is more than accepting of drinking. For many people it is not a problem. For some it is. I don't know, but I am of the opinion that Rory was not an alcoholic as some speculate. But combine his fondness for drink with all the supplements, prescription meds, and OTC Paracetamol, and later prescription strength paracetamol, and all the pressures he was under, and it was a perfect storm. His doctors IMHO were derelict in their duties to warn him.

Post Script,

I would be remiss if I did not say that I am a very enthusiastic supporter of the decriminalization of medical cannabis. I have seen and met people who were helped by it, and I strongly believe that there are many more who could be helped, lives that could be saved, from children and adults with neurological/seizure disorders, sufferers with chronic pain, persons with cancer, many others. There are many components of the plant that scientists are only now becoming aware of, and I am of the opinion that medical cannabis probably could have helped Rory when his health began to fail. Many of the toxic substances that he was taking for his pain and illnesses could IMHO have been eliminated, and perhaps his body would have had a chance to recover. But it is all speculation at this point. Just my two cents.
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Re: Rory’s parents divorced. Why. Did he see dad much

Postby M.felix » 13 Oct 2017, 01:06

8-)

I would be remiss if I did not say that I am a very enthusiastic supporter of the decriminalization of medical cannabis. I have seen and met people who were helped by it, and I strongly believe that there are many more who could be helped, lives that could be saved, from children and adults with neurological/seizure disorders, sufferers with chronic pain, persons with cancer, many others. There are many components of the plant that scientists are only now becoming aware of, and I am of the opinion that medical cannabis probably could have helped Rory when his health began to fail. Many of the toxic substances that he was taking for his pain and illnesses could IMHO have been eliminated, and perhaps his body would have had a chance to recover. But it is all speculation at this point. Just my two cents.


Bob Marley was also adept at this type of treatment and he died of cancers at the age of thirty-six.
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